What Are Triggers?

Watch the emotion rise; And remind yourself: “You are the sky. Everything else is weather.”
– Soulve

 

You probably know exactly what being triggered feels like.

 

Maybe it’s the guy who cuts you off in traffic. Or the family member who won’t stop ranting about their views that directly oppose yours. Maybe it’s a sudden memory of something painful, or a client who treats your workday like it belongs to them. We’ve all been there. But let’s get curious — what is a trigger, really?

 

A trigger is an emotional reaction that flares up in response to something happening in the present, often tied to past pain. Our inner caveman (hi, survival brain!) loves linking pain to anything around us at the time of the hurt. It’s how our ancestors survived long enough to make more humans.

 

Case in point: when I was a kid, I discovered watermelon jam (yes, it exists), and I went hard. Sadly, my whole family came down with a stomach bug that same day, and I spent 24 hours violently throwing up. To this day, even seeing watermelon jam turns my stomach — even though it wasn’t the actual culprit. Why? Because “neurons that fire together, wire together.” Our brains love a shortcut.

 

Triggers Come in All Shapes and Shades

Most of us had experiences in childhood that caused big, overwhelming emotions. Without the tools to deal, we developed patterns;

  • reacting (tantrums, clinginess, acting out)
  • or avoiding (withdrawing, zoning out, building walls).

When the same types of situations repeated, those reactions became default settings.

 

Here are a few trigger + reaction combos you might recognize:

  1. Your partner stays out late after drinks. You told yourself you’d stay cool, but suddenly you’re packing their bags and hurling them out the window. Why? Because a past betrayal taught you that “being late” means “being unfaithful.” Your mind assumes the worst and your body floods with fear and helplessness.

  2. I personally get mad when someone expects instant action from me. That knee-jerk reaction comes from my early work life – full of people-pleasing, late nights, and zero boundaries. When someone pressures me now, my system remembers the chaos, and boom – I feel controlled and resentful.

  3. You invite someone out and they say no. You smile politely… then call them a snob or tell yourself they’re not that great anyway. Think of the movie stereotype: guy asks girl for her number, she declines, and he snaps, “Whatever, you’re ugly anyway!” That’s a trigger, baby. Rejection flips a deep hurt, and the defense walls go up.

Try This:

  1. Start noticing when you’re triggered. Don’t judge it – just clock it. Write down what happened and how you felt.

  2. Take a memory deep-dive. Pick a time when something really set you off. Sit somewhere safe and quiet, close your eyes, and replay it for a few minutes: Who was there? What was said? What did you feel? Where did you feel it in your body? When the timer’s up, write down the juicy details.

We’ll explore how to handle those triggers in another post, but for now… Just notice.

No judgment.

Watch the emotion rise, and remind yourself: “You are the sky. Everything else is just weather.”