Feel The Feeling But Don’t Become The Emotion

Feel the feeling but don’t become the emotion. Witness it, allow it, release it.

Crystal Andrus

 

Okay, let’s get real about feelings. We toss the word around all the time, but do we actually know what we’re talking about? Most people answer “I feel tired” or “I feel hungry” when someone asks, “How are you feeling?”—and that’s fine, but it’s not really about emotions. Somewhere along the way, we’ve gotten a little disconnected from our actual emotions, to the point that schools now teach kids about them in life skills classes.

 

Paul Ekman, a big name in emotion research, says we’ve got six basic emotions: Sadness, Happiness, Fear, Anger, Surprise, and Disgust. And yeah, some are “positive” and some are “negative,” but here’s the kicker—we beat ourselves up for feeling the “negative” ones. Society tells us to put on a stiff upper lip, “buck up,” and just get on with it. So what do we do? We stuff down our feelings and pretend everything’s fine.

 

But think about that leaking tap in your kitchen—you ignore it, it keeps dripping, and eventually it bursts. That’s what happens when you ignore your emotions: eventually, your body and mind say, “Nope. Not today.”

 

Why do we even get this conditioning? Maybe the first caveman threw a rock in rage and got punished for it. Or the first cavewoman got so sad she wouldn’t leave the cave, and the clan panicked. Buck up became a survival tactic, and here we are, millennia later, still dealing with the same stuff.

 

And it’s not just in our heads. Harvard Medical School research shows suppressing emotions can mess with your body: slow digestion, gas, bloating, nausea, ulcers—you name it. Ignoring feelings has real consequences.

 

The good news? There’s a way to handle emotions without exploding or bottling them up. Mindfulness helps you step back, notice what’s happening, and treat yourself like the observer in a movie instead of being the main character in a drama you can’t control.

 

Here’s a simple way to start:

 

1. Pause and Name the Emotion
   When you feel a negative emotion sweep over you, take a breath and say:
   “I’m feeling angry/frustrated. What triggered this?”
   
   

2. Journal It Out
   Journaling is a safe space to vent your feelings without hurting anyone else.
   Use this simple formula to make sense of it:
   
   

   OBSERVE THE FACTS

   • Just the data:
     i.e.“My boss sent urgent work over the weekend.”
     
     

   HONOUR THE FEELINGS

   • What you really feel:
     i.e. “I’m frustrated because I needed my weekend to rest. I feel unappreciated.”
     
     

   STORY

   • What story are you telling yourself?
     i.e. “My boss doesn’t care about me.”
     
     

   ANOTHER VERSION OF THE STORY

   • A different perspective:
     i.e. “My boss had a hectic week and didn’t mean to upset me.”
     
     

   CHOOSE WHAT MEANING YOU ARE GOING TO ATTACH TO THIS STORY

   • Decide your focus:
     i.e. “This will pass. I’ll help now and talk to my boss about planning better next time.”
     
     

This little formula lets you feel the feeling, honor it, and still behave in a way that works in the real world. Win-win.

Your Action Step

Think of a recent time when your emotions took over. Grab your journal (or your phone) and use this formula. Start catching your feelings before they catch you. Step back, observe, reflect, and take charge—it’s all yours to practice.