There’s a moment—maybe quiet, maybe chaotic—when you realize: “I can’t keep going like this.”
That was me during early COVID, exhausted and ragey, hustling for everyone else while secretly cracking inside. I had read every self-help book over the past decade, but I hadn’t lived what they taught. When my husband, Ant was shot during lockdown, everything stopped. It stripped me bare. And in that raw pause, I finally started seeing things clearly.
Let’s be honest—facing our feelings can suck. So we don’t. We scroll. We snack. We keep busy. We dive into work, wine, or someone else’s drama instead. All totally human responses, by the way.
Avoiding feelings like loneliness, shame, fear, or anger isn’t just common – it’s often automatic. But every time we dodge those emotions, we’re reinforcing unconscious patterns. These patterns are called defence behaviours, and they can sneak in dressed up as “coping” or even “being productive.”
One of my favorite quotes comes from Caroline Fenkel, Executive Director of Newport Academy:
“When you’re busy numbing out your feelings, your feelings are in the other room doing push-ups.”
Brilliant, right? Because when you finish your binge-watch or sugar-binge or shopping spree, those feelings come back stronger. Fitter. Ready to fight.
When people say “feelings,” we usually think of stuff like hunger, exhaustion, or freezing our butts off in winter. But the emotional kind? We’re often taught to shove those down or slap on a fake smile and carry on.
Here’s the truth: emotions are here for a reason.
There are six core ones — happiness, sadness, fear, anger, disgust, and surprise — and everything else is just a remix. Think of them like primary colours, blending into an entire emotional rainbow.
We tend to label emotions as good or bad — but the truth? Every emotion has a job. It’s not about getting rid of the hard ones; it’s about getting curious about what they’re trying to show you.
Let’s take a peek at a few familiar faces…
You probably know exactly what being triggered feels like.
Maybe it’s the guy who cuts you off in traffic. Or the family member who won’t stop ranting about their views that directly oppose yours. Maybe it’s a sudden memory of something painful, or a client who treats your workday like it belongs to them. We’ve all been there.
But let’s get curious — what is a trigger, really?
A trigger is an emotional reaction that flares up in response to something happening in the present, often tied to past pain. Our inner caveman (hi, survival brain!) loves linking pain to anything around us at the time of the hurt. It’s how our ancestors survived long enough to make more humans.
Here’s a fun little truth: most of the time, we aren’t really acting from our hearts. Nope, we’re running on autopilot, repeating old habits and patterns we picked up along the way—stuff we don’t even notice anymore.
Mindfulness is like a superpower flashlight for your brain. It helps you spot when you’re reacting from a place of old programming versus when you’re genuinely responding from your heart. And honestly? That’s huge. Because when you act from the heart, things feel lighter, more authentic, and usually way less stressful.
Here’s the simple truth: mindfulness is paying attention in a particular way—on purpose, in the present moment, and without judging yourself.
Sounds fancy? It’s really not. Think of it like this: it’s the difference between getting from home to the office on autopilot (you know, those days you have no idea how you actually did it? That’s unconscious competence letting you drive, walk, or get the train without thinking) and actually noticing what’s happening around you. Mindfulness is about choosing to tune in, even for a few moments, so you can start spotting your own unconscious patterns and habits.
Ever find yourself nodding along to your partner with a “Yeah, I’m listening,” while your brain has totally gone off on some weird train of thought? Or scrolling through social media and realizing you didn’t really notice a single post because your mind is busy doing cartwheels? Yup, we’ve all been there.
And hey, wandering thoughts aren’t bad—letting your mind roam while you’re running, showering, or just staring out the window can actually spark some of your best ideas. The problem starts when your thoughts automatically drift into stress, worry, or catastrophizing, and suddenly your brain is painting the worst-case scenario in full technicolor.
Here’s the flip side of hanging out with the crappy feelings: mindfulness is also about really noticing and enjoying the good stuff—the tiny, sweet little moments that make life sparkle. And here’s the kicker: just like the unpleasant stuff, the pleasant stuff isn’t permanent. It’ll shift, fade, or change—but that doesn’t mean you can’t soak it in while it’s here.
Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it’s messy, annoying, or just plain unpleasant. And here’s the thing: mindfulness isn’t about magically making that stuff disappear. It’s about sitting with it—not running, not judging, just noticing what’s there.